You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
