It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
