We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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