Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
