This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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