Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
