Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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