hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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