What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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