i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
