he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
