your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
