You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
only if we run a train.
done.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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