mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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