i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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