Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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