you guys were way drunker than both of me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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