It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
