The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
