We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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