i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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