i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
