This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
