went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
