did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
