New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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