There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The air was thick with penises
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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