Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
