M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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