It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
