What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
