How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
