i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
