I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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