you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
