I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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