I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
