chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
