I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
