a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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