its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
