A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Randomize
