Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
