Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
