Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
