I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
