one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Shame is for Republicans.
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