I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
