please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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