Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
