she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
