Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
