my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
